The very first step in adoption is successfully completing a home study. What's a home study? It's a document required by law that is completed by a licensed social worker that basically says, "This family has been checked and can be trusted with a child".
This is a very thorough process that took months to complete! A social worker came to our house three different times. She interviewed us both twice (once together, once each separately), interviewed each of our kids and inspected our house. Background checks where done with the FBI, our finger prints were checked against a number of different databases, our finances were inspected, we had to undergo physicals, sign affidavits, collect eight different references and complete full inventories of our family history. We were impressed how thoroughly we were investigated! Thankfully we passed! Without a signed home study you can not adopt.
The next step is creating a family profile. This is like a beautiful resume for your family that is given to a birth mother so she can get to know the family she will choose to raise her baby. It's an incredibly intimate opportunity to speak directly to a mother who is making one of the hardest choices we can imagine. In our family profile we tell our story of how God encouraged us to adopt and share about how we met, what our family is like, a description of where we live etc. Our family profile is replete with photos of our home, community and family. This also took months to assemble!
Once these two steps have been completed, you are now eligible to sign on with adoption agencies. The more agencies you sign up with, the greater the possibility you have of being matched with a birth mother. The trouble is, each agency charges a fee to enroll with them. These fees can range from $250 - $1,000 for each agency! We are currently enrolled with four different agencies and have the option to enroll with more if we'd like to. The adoption agencies represent the birth moms who are looking to have their child placed with adoptive parents. When you sign with an adoption agency you let them know what you are looking for in terms of your adoption preferences. One child? Would you take siblings? What age range are you interested in? Newborn only, or would you consider a teenager? Is race or gender important to you? What about medical history - is alcohol, smoking or drug use a no-no for you? The lists are overwhelming and we'll admit we hadn't considered most of those questions when we began!
When an adoption agency has a birth mother that meets all (or most) of your adoption preferences they will reach out to you and let you know of a birth mother they represent and you are invited to present your family profile. This is known as waiting for a match. At the time of writing, that's the stage we're at.
If the birth mom chooses you (from reading your family profile!) that's considered a match and typically a meeting between the birth mom (or birth parents) and adoptive parents (that's us!) takes place. This can be over zoom or in person. At this point, half of the money for the adoption is required to be paid to the agency - this can be as much as $30,000 or more.
Once the baby is born (or if the baby is already born) we are required to travel to the state where the baby is born and remain in state for approximately two weeks while paperwork is signed. This is the placement stage. We are not allowed to leave the state with the baby (or child) until paperwork has been filed.
Once paperwork has been filed and we return home with the baby, you'd think that would be the end of the adoption process but no! Post placement visits must be completed by the home study provider to satisfy the legal requirements of adoption (what is required varies from state to state). After 6 months or so, if we pass all the requirements and post placement visits the adoption is finalized by law and we will have officially adopted a child!
If you're exhausted just reading the process - we understand! We've learned a lot in the past year and hopefully you can see why we are asking for your prayers. With so many decisions to be made at each stage we really need wisdom and clarity from heaven.
Thank you so much for joining us on this journey!
We'll let you know as soon as we have a development. In the mean time, please pray for the birth mom, for wisdom, patience and provision.